Our world can be a negative and bleak one. The news is constantly filled with articles documenting accounts of violence, rape, theft, corruption, and crime. Ask the ordinary person on the street, and they would quickly provide a few reasons why they believe these things happen around us. They will point out the inefficiency of the government, dirty politics, poor leaders, an inherently corrupt society, poverty, unemployment etc.
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| Piazza Della Signoria (Florence, Italy), 16 May 2019 |
People have forgotten God? I think this is the possible diagnosis to explain why we see so much brokenness around us. If we drift away from God, we are driven by our human impulses and weakness. We begin to attract similar people around us who will help facilitate our evil doings. Before you know it, a crime, an act of corruption, a devastating rape, or taking life with violent murder starts to numb the heart and conscience till it can no longer discern right from wrong. There may be elements of truth to some of the reasons, but I think it is something deeper that we need to recognise as the source of all the evil around us. I would pinpoint it to a spiritual condition that begins with the man in the mirror.
If an individual in a family pushes God away, they weaken the strength of that family. Take it a step further, if that person is the father figure in the home, the chance of the family falling apart increases significantly. The family is the heart of society; when it is healthy, it beats in unison with the whole of society. South Africa has many fatherless or broken homes, which means the odds are stacked against the women and children to break that cycle. There are many cases where the trap to repeat the upbringing is broken, but unfortunately, these cases are rare.
People can push God away for a myriad of reasons. We can think of how the desire for money eats away our heart, a no care attitude for what awaits us on the other side of death, forcing religion onto others without respecting their freedom of choice, or guilt from sin rots us from within, pushing us further from God.
No matter our background or story, we all have a choice to transform ourselves from within, which will spill over into our family and society. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book on the Five Love Languages highlights that we all possess each of the five love languages, but we will find we are dominant in one or two love languages.
We could go a step further and take a look at Our Lord's life to see how His perfect love radiates all of these love languages and reflect how we can incorporate this into our lives to love our families better.
- Acts of service - Jesus was more than happy to serve others even in the most humbling acts. He washed the feet of the apostles with love. We can do this in our families by relieving a person of responsibilities and making the burden of life lighter. Voluntary chores like washing dishes, sweeping, cooking, dressing the children, and doing handy work in the house are all ways of serving your loved ones.
- Affirming words - when the apostles were filled with fear, he lovingly reminded them not to be afraid. In the home, some kind and encouraging words can go a long way in filling their cup of love to the brim. However, impulsive insults and poking stab create hairline cracks in the cup of love. Our Lord spoke lovingly instead of reprimanding, and we, too can find that building them up with words is far more effective than breaking them down with words.
- Quality time - Jesus often encouraged his disciples to take some time to come away with Him to a lonely place to pray. We can be sure that spending time in prayer with God allows us to grow deeper in love with Him, and similarly, we also can love others by giving them our undivided attention. Undivided attention involves making an effort to make others feel loved by putting aside chores, your phone, or anything that is distracting to the conversation. Some practical ways to do this are taking your spouse on dates, listening and taking an interest in people without interrupting, playing with your children, or organising time to do family outings.
- Giving gifts - When Our Lord taught us to pray the Our Father, he promised to give us our daily bread. God provides us with the means to buy food, clothes, and shelter. God lovingly provides us with all we need to journey through life. For some people receiving a heartfelt gift makes them feel most loved. This love language is not one of materialism, but rather the receiver of the gift feels loved by the thought and effort behind the gift. Small gestures like taking time to do something special for your loved ones like making a special breakfast, picking their favourite flowers, or a small and thoughtful gift they need.
- Physical touch - Our Lord allows us to touch His wounded flesh in the Eucharist and consume or eat Him. Perhaps you have experienced or seen a parent hug and kiss their child and say I am going to eat you up. It can seem odd why a parent would say something like that, but it is a deep expression of love that, in those moments, hugging is not enough. You feel as if you could love more by bringing your child within you as if they were to be absorbed into your being. The love language of physical touch is about small displays of physical affection, including hugs, holding hands, thoughtful touches on the arm, or even a pat on the back. Touch communicates excitement, concern, care and love for a person. Ultimately this love language develops a sense of security and belonging in a relationship through physical touch.
We will never be perfect in loving our families, friends or people in general, but we can grow to love better by being aware of our strengths and weaknesses and those around us. Small acts of love starting in the family go a long way in strengthening the core of society. It all can seem so insignificant, but our homes, our communities, our country, and our world is lacking love as it has forgotten God, who is Love.
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