I write this blog holding our second son, Leo, cradled in my left arm and typing with my right hand. He lies, so content nestled into my arms as he catches a nap without a worry in the world. I gaze at him every now and then to admire the wonderful gift of our little baby, who only ten months ago was merely a tiny seed growing in the womb of his Mommy.
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| Noah meets Leo for the first time, 30 August 2021 |
No one can take away the heart-warming feeling of holding the gift of a child from God. Not even all the strange comments one receives from being open to the possibility of life a year after Noah was born. I find the times we live in quite odd. On the one hand, we are expected to understand people's choices around gender or be tolerant of pro-abortion decisions. However, it seems the tolerance of families open to children is somehow shameful!
We have received remarks from strangers, including a nurse and waiter making it seem as if the conception of Leo was an irresponsible sexual impulse that we could not control. It is then even more puzzling to explain that we were open to conceiving Leo and get a blank stare as if we were even more irresponsible.
Leo is not some mistake from an occasion of having no control over our bodies or as if we were dominated by the passion of a Shakespeare romance. We practice natural family planning. As a married couple, we follow Cassandra's natural fertility cycle and "know" when she reaches her peak fertility. We renewed our marriage vow with our bodies with the foresight that Leo's conception was likely. In other words, we were "open" to the possibility of life if God so allowed. We were only so grateful for his blessing over our union with the visible fruit of the person of Leo Joseph Joel.
"For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children, but it is their duty to make certain that their desire is not motivated by selfishness but is in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood." (CCC, 2368)
The Church recognises the importance of responsibility in parenthood that is to discern through prayer and objective criteria the necessary conditions that permit the couple to space their children. However, you will not find the Church defining the criteria as a rule that says approximately so many months or years between children is correct or determines a family's size. Why? The decision to bring children into the world stops with the ministers of the sacrament of marriage. That is the couple themselves, who with God need to determine their openness to life following the will of God. The Sacred Scriptures and Church see in large families a sign of God's blessing and the parents' generosity (CCC, 2373). Yet, God will respect the couple's freedom to cooperate in following His will.
It would be naïve to think that the conception of a child does not come about without God. The couple cooperates by being open to the possibility of life. Still, it is ultimately God who may or may not bless that union with life. It is essential to recognise that a couple gifted with a child is not somehow more privileged than those who suffer the heavy struggle of conceiving a child. In such struggles, the couple may reach a level of spiritual fruitfulness that will significantly surpass any couple with a large family. As in their struggle, they may be more united to Our Lord on the cross.
It pains me greatly to hear the words that a child was a mistake! Sometimes what may seem like a mistake is God's greatest blessing and gift to a couple. The existence of that child may have such a profound impact on the world that in the absence of that child's presence, the world would have been a far worse place. The footprints the great Saints have left us in the past century is an excellent example of how their parent's generosity in bringing them into the world made the world a greater place.
Mother Teresa is an excellent example of how her existence was a light to the world that radiated from within and touched souls otherwise thought of as unimportant and worthless.
Bima Nath, a municipal street sweeper from India, recalled how he found himself in the shelter of Mother Teresa after the nuns picked him up on the street drunk, filthy, and smelling. Nath's wife left him as he would beat her when drunk. Mother Teresa asked Nath to assist in cleaning the shelter. He was able to give up his drinking problem, not because she shouted or forced him to do so. Instead, the disappointment on her face was enough to make him give up the bottle altogether (full article here).
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| "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish." (Mother Teresa) |
As parents' God only calls us to be the instruments, and the rest is in His hands to create the music.
Man and woman must first find a mutual fondness and discover the beauty of being human, and then their hearts beget the need to give new life – to transmit the gift of humanity to new beings whom God, in his own time, may give them (St. John Paul II, A Meditation on Givenness)
I would have it no other way but to write this blog one-handed with Leo occupying my other hand with his special and unique existence in my life. At the same time, Noah runs around the kitchen, empties the kitchen drawers, calls his brother "Aba," strokes his head, and gives him a kiss on the forehead. Those are the moments that make a child a gift and not a careless mistake.
"Bricks and mortar make a house, but the laughter of children make a home." (Irish Proverb)
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