I am fortunate to still have three grandparents alive, and this year two of them will be 90 years old. My grandparents, Reginald Edwin Joel (1932) and Edith Johanna Van Dyk Joel (1934) are still alive on my Dad's side. My grandfather João De Menezes (1923-1985) passed away on my Mom's side before I was born. While my grandmother Maria de Jesus Afonso De Menezes (1932), is still alive but currently struggling with dementia and recovering from breaking her leg in a fall late last year.
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| Maria De Menezes with my son Leo, 15 September 2021 |
My granny Maria grew up on the tiny Portuguese island of Madeira with limited resources. She often recalls eating only a sweet potato a day as a little girl. Her father sought new work opportunities in the US. Still, with the Great Depression, he soon returned and set off to South Africa to work on a mine. My gran left Madeira by ship in the early to mid part of the 1940s decade for South Africa and recalls fearful inspections by sea and her mother protecting the children from soldiers. What strikes me the most about this story is that upon leaving, her grandmother (my great-great-grandmother) encouraged her to never stop going to Church. Her parents were not that religious, yet this little girl held onto those words entering a foreign country in a time when the Catholic Church in South Africa was in its infancy.
My grandfather Reginald (from my Dad's side) does not have much insight into his heritage and how his family arrived in South Africa. Like so many people whose names were changed or records lost in the chaos of fleeing to a new land. Now a few weeks ago, at a family birthday. My grandfather, who may have some early signs of dementia, struggles to recall the present, but asking a few questions about his past, he opened up like a book.
He recalled many stories. Working as a carpenter and remaining loyal to his company for 18 years. As young teenagers taking on an adult cricket side who laughed at them only to be embarrassed, the youngsters bowled this side out in no time. Something else that struck me, he said: "My boy, I raised my children with very little, and people often said how are you going to provide for all your children. I told them, I never question you about your life, so why question mine? God always helped me to provide them food and education. My boy, there is no better feeling than knowing you were able to put food on the table for your family."
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| Reginald and Edith, 21 December 2018 |
Both my grandparents I have spoken of are now 89. Although the struggle of hard upbringing takes its toll on them, they have such wisdom, encouragement, and a critical perspective to provide.
"Families greatly need grandparents, for they are humanity's living memory, a memory that 'can help to build a more humane and welcoming world.'" Pope Francis (Letter to married couples, 26 December 2021)
Many poor families sought opportunities to migrate from Europe into South Africa to provide skills. These entrepreneurial risks paid off in starting small businesses providing goods and services.
My grandmother managed to escape food poverty. She married my grandfather João (also from Madeira and a child of eleven), who ran a fresh produce shop. Together, they raised four children, including my Mom. So from one sweet potato a day to providing three meals a day to her children and schooling. Among us grandchildren, we were raised and schooled and obtained tertiary qualifications. It's so important to sometimes stop and look at our lives at present and remember there is a back story and how quickly generations can transition.
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| João De Menezes (1923-1985) |
The past two years have been marked by a modern-day crisis, the Covid-19 pandemic. Our situation has changed our outlook on life, but in comparison to the troubles of the Great Depression, world wars, obtaining political independence, or the struggle for a transition to a democratic society, the pandemic is not that big. No matter our background, we all have a unique story that has shaped where we are today.
The disciples' story stuck on the waters with their boat shaken by rough winds and waves crashing against the boat and filling it with water left them distressed and anxious. They woke up Jesus in a panic and questioned why he chose to sleep while there was chaos around them. Jesus commands the wind to stop, and the waves die down, and Jesus asks them: "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"
I think Pope Francis is encouraging us to listen to the gems of great hope that our grandparents possess. They have a perspective that can help root out the self-centered tendencies we all carry in our hearts. Their abandonment to the will of God despite the real threats, fears, and dream-shattering migrations they made across seas is a life lesson.
We may think Jesus is asleep and unaware of the issues we are facing, but he is in the boat of life with us. He only asks us to wake him up and ask for his help to calm the wind. Our willingness to listen may enable our doubts and fears to be transformed into faith with a solid and firm foundation. Our grandparents know this lesson far too well, and their trust in God calming the waters is why you are here today.
"Young people need something stable to hang on to — a culture connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their own future. Most of all, they need what grandparents can give them." (Jay Kesler)
Feel free to share how your grandparents have shaped your life today in the comments section below.
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Link to Pope Francis's Letter:
Letter to married couples for the Year of the Family
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