In high school, I attended a leadership conference that used the bestselling book 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers' written by Sean Covey the son of the author of 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. This book has some important Christian undertones but also some advice for us to borrow in the Christian life. This blog retrofits this to look at how we can apply them to our spiritual life.
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| The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens - Sean Covey |
As Christians, we are called to be apostles in the middle of the world just like the first apostles who were some ordinary fishermen and rough around the edges but after encountering Our Lord and receiving the Holy Spirit at Pentecost it all changed.
So here are seven habits we can try to develop to be more like the first apostles and carry out what our Lord asks of us:
Habit 1 - Be Proactive
We are responsible for our own happiness in life. However, what makes us happy is not found externally beyond our souls but within our souls. The path our life takes is in our own hands and so to be an effective apostle we need to be proactive and have a plan for our life.
A plan of life for an apostle could include a resolution to start and end the day with a thought about God. Spending time in prayer (simply conversation with God). Praying the rosary. Reading ten minutes of a spiritual book. Praying the Angelus at noon. Finally, ending the day off with a 3-minute examination of conscience to reflect on the things that went well, things that could have gone better and a resolution to do better the next day. If possible attend Mass as frequently as you can.
This all sounds a lot and what really is the point? A plan of life can make us more self-aware of our thoughts and actions. Instead of wearing those bracelets with abbreviations WWJD (What would Jesus do?) we try our best to wear it interiorly. We will never be perfect at it but making an effort to spend time with God makes us attentive to the finer details. A plan of life develops our conscience making us more aware of our inner voice to help us choose right from wrong in the spur of a moment. Our imagination gradually expands to see the world with a supernatural perspective. We are filled with hope that we have something bigger to live for than what we see on earth. Lastly, it develops our willpower to be able to say yes to the things we should and no to the things we shouldn't.
Habit 2 - Begin with the end in mind
We make New Year resolutions or have goals in mind for our careers, families or personal lives. These goals are good things as they keep us driven and motivated. However, if we are Christian our overarching goal in life should be to help shape what happens to us after our deaths. A Christian lives life with the hope of heaven being the final destination.
If we want to run a marathon it requires commitment, training, a good diet and rest. For Christians, our mission is to grow in holiness to reach the eternal destination of heaven. The patron saint of ordinariness put it so simply and eloquently: "God is calling you to serve him in and from the ordinary... There is something holy, something divine hidden in the most ordinary situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it." St Josemaria
Our plan of life if used every day will require a lot of effort. It will not always go to plan but making an effort to speak and spend time with God every day will make him a familiar Friend, Father and Brother. So when we do leave this earth, we will know Him as someone we long to be with and not a distant stranger.
Thus far, habit 1 says I am the driver of my life, while habit 2 says since I'm in control I need a plan or map to get me there. This brings us to habit 3 which is making sure we put the plan first at all costs.
Habit 3 - Put first things first
We live in a time of distraction. Technology has advanced for the good but also poses some dangers. Ever feel the urge to look at your phone just out of habit? In fact, sometimes if my phone is not in my pocket I feel like I feel my phone vibrate with a notification and feel for my pocket yet it is empty.
Habit 3 is the most difficult because it requires us to assess what dominates us? The power of saying "I will ..." or the power of "I won't ...". It's easy to find excuses to not want to pray it is almost an inbuilt feature that humans carry from Adam and Eve. However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't be trying. If we want to reach heaven by all costs and realise having a "plan of life" is a way to get us there then we need to also in moments of distraction develop the willpower to say "I will ensure these ten minutes belong to God and not Mark Zuckerburg's world of Instagram and Facebook."
This habit is then about putting your plan of life for spending time with God in its proper place, which is also first place.
Habit 4 - Think Win-Win
There was a French man Jacques Lusseyran born blind during the German occupation. Although blind, he could see light rise, spread and rest on objects giving them form. However, when he grew anxious to be first at all costs, he could see nothing. When he was happy and approached people with confidence he was rewarded with light. As a result from a young age, he grew to love friendship with other people as it literally filled him with light.
Our Lord says, “I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12). When we make an effort to spend time with God we become like a glow stick that absorbs light and transmits that light in the darkness to help guide our way. In addition, we also then light the way of others to find the true life-giving source. We never bring others to Christ of our own power or ability but the light we reflect from God who dwells within us.
Our deepest desire that drives us to live beyond our life on earth is that we all want to be saints. A Saint is so close to the Light of the World that they almost become one with God. If we have a winning attitude toward wanting to get to heaven and making an effort every day to develop a friendship with God then we will naturally also want to help others to discover and share in this winning recipe. We win the prize of heaven and we do this not alone but by bringing as many along the way with us. It's a Win-Win outcome in the Christian life.
Habit 5 - Seek first to understand, then to be understood
The greatest gift we can give someone is to listen to them. Why? It is the deepest desire of the human heart to be understood because there is only one unique you in the world and no one or nothing can replace or replicate you. The flip side is that we also need to learn to express ourselves and what is going on inside otherwise we risk never being understood ourselves.
To listen and to honestly express yourself is no easy task. However, a good place to start developing this is in the plan of life specifically during prayer time. Our prayer with God is a time of intimate conversation. The depth of the conversation should be able to go deeper than even our conversations with our loved ones. In prayer, if we spend all the time telling God what we want or talking we will never hear his gentle promptings in our hearts.
So in our prayer, we can practice listening. It is difficult because maybe we don't hear anything but learning to be silent requires us to listen more carefully and to stop listening with our ears and start hearing with our hearts. Then we may be able to start speaking from the depth of our hearts to God and express what is going on inside.
Habit 6 - Synergise
Synergy is the fruit we may start to taste of trying to live out all of the previous habits. If we think of our Christian life as climbing a mountain. The plan of life is the path we follow to get to the top. The sacraments nourish us along the way to ensure we are strong enough to complete the journey and heal us when we get hurt along the way. Those who accompany us along the journey with more experience can help direct us or give us tips on how to tackle steep cliff faces. The formation we receive be it from reading spiritual books, attending retreats, talks, watching videos, listening to podcasts or one-on-one spiritual direction are the tools and gadgets that make the journey to the summit of the mountain a little easier.
All of the help we accept along the way enables us to grow spiritually. When we grow in our interior life we are better able to develop true friendships with others. As we discover a pearl of great price and out of love want to share this with them too. As human beings, it is the memories that we make with people that remain eternal while our achievements in careers, studies, politics or social life fade.
“Even when you’ve played the game of your life, it’s the feeling of teamwork that you’ll remember. You’ll forget the plays, the shots, and the scores, but you’ll never forget your teammates.” Basketball Olympian Deborah Palmore
Habit 7 - Sharpen the Saw
Abraham Lincoln was once asked what would he do if he had eight hours to saw down a tree? He answered very wisely that he would spend the first four hours sharpening the saw.
We are human. It is normal for our saws to get blunt and so when we feel imbalanced, stressed out or empty it's a sign to start sharpening the saw. As humans, we are a body and soul. So we need to take care of our entire being to sharpen the saw. Starting with our body we need to exercise, eat healthy, sleep well and relax. Then nourish our brains we need to read, educate ourselves, write and learn new skills. Look after our hearts by building relationships, serving others and laughing. Finally, the plan of life is about caring for our soul through prayer, maintaining the presence of God and receiving grace from the sacraments.
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